Well I put it to the vote and just over 80% of my followers felt the same way-phew! I had many messages of solidarity, people who really struggle with this element of parenthood…but almost 20% said no and off very valid reasons too.
Sometimes it is hard to articulate but as you move through the days/weeks/years of parenthood it is very easy to lose the essence of both yourself and your relationship.
You can miss people for many tangible reasons-working away, working long hours etc etc but when they are home every evening but you still ‘miss them’ there is something amiss, if you excuse the pun. I will be honest and say I didn’t find this as much when we just had just Josh but it certainly seems that way lately with 2 busy boys and on the hamster wheel of life. There is lots of messaging out there about ‘me time/mama time’ but it is also crucial to get ‘together time’.
We are in a pattern now that Max goes down by 7.30 but Josh is after 8.30 most nights, by the time dinner is done, he is settled, jobs are done and lunches made we are normally fit for bed or Netflix at best. On a good day we actually get to converse about how our day has been or what is going on in the week ahead ‘life admin’ as one person responded but sometimes even this is done via text on commutes to and from work. I work part time so that helps somewhat with the balance of home life but leaves no surplus time for ‘us’ and I don’t mean mushy ‘first love’ us just 2 people engaged in each others lives and not just ships in the night essentially. Are we doing something wrong? Or I thought recently are my expectations too high? We all know these ‘trench years’ are not meant to be a breeze, they are set out to be busy but it just about managing it best as you can. We will miss the madness of these years in years to come, I just know it but in the thick of it sometimes it can be hard to get perspective.
And we do try, we meet for the odd lunch time coffee, my mum babysits occasionally for a quick drink out when she can but as we work through how better to manage the ‘balance of life’ I think like everything it will be consistency that is key. Ad hoc ‘date nights’ are great but having something regularly in the diary I think would be a winner for us. A career coach once laughed when I said I would love just one hour a week with my husband and I don’t mean knee deep in prepping dinners while he clears the bins, I mean just sitting in front of eachother having ‘the chats’.
Let’s face it, there are only so many hours in the day, so much energy in the depleted tank but it also so important to remember where your family that grows around you started and nurture that too, finding pockets of time, bedding down a plan that works for you, your family and each other…
Answers on a postcard please!!!!