Anxiety is an asshole

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I’ve written about this on here before but as this year comes to a close and I reflect on the last year, previous posts and all that has happened one overriding feeling unfortunately was anxiety.

This year for numerous reasons has not been our best. I don’t say this lightly as I detest negativity and I prefer to have a positive outlook but for me this year old habits have crept in and I feel there was a method of survival taking place.

My ‘safe place’ is that old feeling of fear and yet when I’m in it I feel very far from safe. The worst part of the pattern of behaviour creeping back in is that in a small way, despite me thinking I’m hiding it from him I think Josh has picked up on my ill feeling and I suspected this before-kids are clever and resilient but this is not something I feel he should need to feel/see or experience on any level. He’s already sensitive and very in tune and it’s my belief that it could be, even in a small way affecting him so for this and for me I have to get out of these habits-make positive changes and make these feelings keep at bay at a less regular occurrence than they have be in the year that has been 2018. It’s for me, my husband and both my boys.

Routine, exercise, fresh air works well for me and consistency. I’m lucky in so many ways so I get annoyed at the way I feel at times but I know regardless of what I have or don’t have true anxiety is not based on this. With kids you can not always predict a day or a week sometimes with sleep/moods or just general #parentlife stuff.

Changing habits will be key for me I feel in the first part of the year so that may mean stopping or slowing down things I enjoy… eating celebrations for example-lols. No seriously , one thing that’s a daily habit that I do enjoy for both personal and blog purposes is social media but for me and so many it’s such a habit forming behaviour. So for January, just to break the ‘habit’ there will be no daily stories, only very grid worthy sharing and some highlights dotted throughout the month… I enjoy Instagram but spend far too much time scrolling so if this habit break makes me meditate, read or even sleep more then it’s a habit worth breaking. Bye bye big WhatsApp groups too as looking at my overall screen time with such apps nearly gave me heart failure in itself!

So no new year new me, just back to ‘me’ for now will do!

Happy New Year and thanks as always for reading my ramblings.

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