Pay Day-yay!

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My 1st payday in 4 years arrived this week-was it worth it, I’m not sure, I’m still on the fence.

Let’s start with the pros…
•I’m really enjoying work, being out, interacting, using my brain and now having my own money.
•Financially it is definitely going to ease things and give more opportunities to our family.
•Josh really enjoys crèche and is happy going in each morning.
•The rejection has stopped, for now.
•Josh is eating well in crèche.
•My mum has been a great help despite on her first day of minding Josh was also sick.
•We have done a few nice family outings this month in between the madness

This month I’m afraid there are more cons…
•Josh has been sick twice in 2 weeks-tonsillitis and conjunctivitis.
•Josh hasn’t slept a full night in 3 weeks and as a result mama and dada are feeling the pain and he has had a minor personality transplant-terrible twos have kicked in at 15 months.
•I got the vommiting bug
•We got a puncture on the way to bringing Josh to the doctor.
•Ian got conjunctivitis
•We failed the NCT
•Josh still not napping in crèche which means we get a overtired boy every evening we collect him.
•Ian and I are like passing ships in the night, snapping at eachother like overtired crocodiles at the smallest thing.

I question have we done the right thing but I know something had to change and the choices we’ve made long term I think are the right ones-My work choice (going back to familiar faces) and the crèche (they seem to be v good). I also know I am enjoying getting some independence back and that’s not something I want to let go of now but when Josh and our family are suffering as a consequence then that makes me feel selfish. I also know my husband was wise leading us down this path because financially while we could ‘get by’ that doesn’t bode well for the future and that’s not the life we want for Josh.

There is no denying it’s been a tough month but I am hopeful for the future, for February, we are calling it the start of our year because whilst I know we face other challenges ahead it was the speed at which they came in those first 3 weeks that floored us a little. So time to press the restart button and enjoy the new phase of our life, a little more prepared perhaps for any bumps in the road!

1st week as a working mama 💼

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Well I’ve lived to tell the tail… {just about} 😉 Last Tuesday reality bit hard and after 15 months, 14 with the little man I returned to work, working for someone else which I hadn’t done in 4 years!

Josh had taken to his settle in time in crèche very well but on Saturday he really wasn’t himself and Sunday we ended up at LucDoc. He started on his first antibiotic and was a very poorly baba that day. Little sleep, fevers, aches and pains continued but luckily the day I started work he was with my mum as he will be on a Tuesday.

Then Wednesday it was his first full day in crèche, they were brilliant at keeping in touch but it was a very different story from the week before, with his illness he was very out of sorts and when I arrived a little early to collect him he was completely bunched.

The next day after a little more sleep, he seemed a little better. My mum collected him a bit early that day after him being so unwell the day before but what was to come was far worse than the sleepless nights-complete rejection of mama. He was generally a lot crankier than normal but it was more than that and shocked both myself and my husband. I was devastated. Maybe it’s part and parcel but so much within only the first week seemed quite unfair. It had been a hard enough decision to return to the workforce and it now seemed that all my fears had come true. It was time for an early night and a big slice of cake-the diet went out the window!

Then Friday came.. The weekend was in site. He was a little brighter but still not the Josh of old. The crèche believed he’d made progress that they will build on next week so fingers crossed.

The weekend faired a little better, still broken sleep, still slight rejection and still a lingering bit of sickness {lots of wine and sleep for mama} but hopefully next week will be brighter and we will all get into our groove because of all things I’m not sure mama can take much more of the josh rejection 😩-it’s the worst feeling in the world and I almost feel my confidence in my abilities draining away as a mother, pandering to him just so he comes to me which is something I would never normally do!

We are blessed with the crèche we chose, we have a few things to tweak with them but all and all they are super. I am lucky with an understanding & familiar workplace. I am lucky with a wonderful & supportive husband, a great granny and a mostly healthy & happy son so once these all align we will look back on these days as challenging but a learning curve too.

As they say this to will pass and once a friend told me time moves forward and let’s hope this particular adjustment moves forward pronto!

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