parenthood

9 months In & Out

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It’s been a fast 9 months but it also feels like he was never not here. I always find this milestone a memorable one as they are out of your tummy as long as they were in there….

Here are 9 nuggets we’ve learnt about Master Max in the last 9 months

1. His smiles are wide but his cries are loud. 

He’s more of a smiler than I remember his brother being and gives them generously but can also ‘crack it’ fairly intensely when the mood takes him too.



2. He is a mamas boy hands down. 

Having said that he is happy to give anyone a snuggle and a smile for a bit of attention in return.

3. He’s an inquisitive little thing.

He’s always looking around observing and taking it all in and I’ve no doubt with the way things are going he will be on the move soon.

4. He looooovvees the ‘3 Bs’ bread, boobs & bath.

A slice of toast can not pass your lips without him digging in too.  My boobs are his primary food/drink source, his comfort and his general go to/pull out of when he fancies it! 🙄  At bathtimes, the squeals of delight when he is in the water and the squeals of horror when we take him out are memorable.

5. He’s a blondy now but started off very dark.

This meant people who haven’t seen him in a while can’t believe the transformation.



6. He doesn’t sleep great, never really has, despite a fairly good routine.

This is a quality he has taken from his bro. We thought we might luck out with a sleeper this time but it seems not.

7. His personality is emerging a little different to Josh.

I kinda thought they’d just be the same, naively, but Max is more impish, he’s more gentle but also has a determination we didn’t see emerge in Josh until a little later.

8. He still has no teeth.

9 months, ‘teething’ since 3 with lots of symptoms and tons of drool but not a tooth in his head yet.

9. We all love him more than we thought possible.

Yes of course I knew I’d love him, our second child but my goodness the love I, and our whole little family have for him is more than we could have imagined, it’s intense and lovely and he brings us little nuggets of joy every day, 9 whole months of them with lots more to come! 

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Influenced by tv shows-Opening your heart to parenthood!

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I clearly watch way too much tv… I think a previous post I wrote was also influenced by one of my much loved guilty tv pleasures. This time it was Greys Anatomy. It was a particular scene where one of the characters who didn’t have kids minded her ‘long lost’ sisters kids and had a fun and busy day. In the final scene she wearily told the mum of 3 ‘she didn’t know how she did it’.. But she didn’t mean the exhaustion she meant the extreme love you feel for your kids or she could imagine you would. 

It’s true.. opening your heart to parenthood is like love you can’t imagine. It grows and then grows some more.. It’s an incredible feeling that I feel so thankful to have. But it’s scary too. Your worry and sometimes fear for them can also reach all time high. They are your most precious commodity and you would do anything to protect them. Their love for you is something special too and then the love it brings to your family is another magic element to the whole affair. 


And then you have another.. Or another in my belly in my case and your love doubles, triples, quadruples or however many you decide to have. That scares me but I wouldn’t change it for the world and feel lucky, just very very lucky. 

This type of love changes you as a person and primarily for the better, it’s a selfless love, it’s a reflective love with no boundaries and let’s face it that’s the best kind. 

Working Dads

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It’s Fathers Day on Sunday but this is a post I have wanted to write for quite a while. There is always so much in the media about working mothers and the constant juggle that ensues and this is very true in a lot of cases.  However I don’t think it’s exclusive to mothers and I also think that from experience and talking to others that fathers don’t get as much understanding when it comes to flexibility that is sometimes required.

It will also be welcomed to see the introduction of paternity leave from September, now extended to self employed dads too.  Most companies only offer 2-3 days which barely covers the process of labour and returning home from hospital. Totally unrealistic and unfair to fathers and mothers come to think of it. 


Anyway back to working dads. By its nature parenthood requires some flexibility from employers, kids get sick, crèches close at a certain time and above all else you have chosen to have a child so getting to spend some time with them is also a priority. 

In the environments I have worked in it is true that a lot of the ‘flexibity’ falls to the mothers. She is usually the one to take the sick day, the one to rush out of work and collect the kids and request time off for appointments but this is not always the case. 

I find that mothers by their nature tend to take on more of the parental duties but in our house and many others we pretty much share the load. We decided on Josh’s creche location based on where my husband works as this was the constant and he does the drops and up until recently a lot of the collections too. I worked in town and we only had one car so this was the only workable solution. It meant he had to leave work on time every evening, something that was noted and went against him at an end of year review-rightly or wrongly. I don’t believe this would have even been an issue or raised if it was a mother leaving to pick up her kids. I have worked in offices where dads come in a little later after doing the creche/school drop offs and it has been remarked upon even though they have made up the time at the other end of the day. This infuriates me for lots of reasons but it’s almost like society assumes that dads don’t want an active role in parenthood and this really is not the case. It also assumes that mothers are going to take a back seat or perhaps compromise their career path to be able to facilitate the juggle of parenthood. 

 

To summarise and calm down my mini rant I suppose what I’m trying to say is why should anyone, mother or father have to sacrifice career choices because they have children or any lifestyle choices in fact once it does not affect their work. Also never should it be scoffed upon when someone leaves the office at the end of the working day to collect thier kids or carry out personal commitments but unfortunately this is often the case. It is up to employers to change the culture, adapt to modern ways and embrace flexible working for all. 

For Better, For Worse 👰🎩💑

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..to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us do part..Hmm sometimes easier said than done! 

6 years ago this week we stood before our nearest and dearest in a hot Tuscan town hall and declared our love to all the world. Now don’t get me wrong I adore my husband, I truly believe he is my soulmate as slushy as that sounds and marrying him was the best thing I ever did. We have experienced so much together in our 9 years as a couple and we embrace all the highs with vigour and work well together when there have been lows.

They say a baby makes you stronger… I actually agree. Having a baby together is a wonderfully unifying thing to do as a couple and every day I feel so blessed to have my 2 boys in my life. However the reality is parenthood seriously gets in the way of your marriage and that’s ok, to a point. Despite the odd date night & the cuddles on the couch you can often feel like ships in the night, treating each other more like housemates than life partners. That’s what it is, a partnership, parenting is a partnership and it can be very easy to forget each other in the midst of peppa pig, wakeful nights and pooey nappies. You can lose track when the other love of your life {your child} is trying to take number 1 spot.. The reality is that you do but you mustn’t and when these phases inevitably happen you come out of them making plans and promises to each other.

Yes it is hard sometimes with all that goes on but it is important to mind your relationship as well as your child. As we celebrate 6 happy married years we will cherish our time together {in Monart I might add} 😉 and move towards the next phase with those promises firmly in our pockets! 

  

The T Word

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I started writing this post just after Christmas so it was pre the back to work madness and just as the air of sickness was starting to do the rounds in our house and I was ‘can’t keep my eyes open’ tired. It had got me thinking about that big word-tiredness. Obviously the adjustment period of the return to work has magnified this more but in a general sense unfortunately tiredness seems to always loom.

It seems to be common place, part and parcel even with motherhood and by far I find this the toughest part of motherhood. I love my little boy so much I could explode but some days I feel so tired I wonder how I’m going to get to the next and it annoys me. I love my life, my little family and all that it brings and granted the last few weeks have been testing but all in all things are very good but my god that tiredness can knock you sideways when it wants to. It can engulf your day, special moments with Josh when you want to be fully engaged but all you can think about is the next opportunity to sleep.

We are 6 weeks into the new year and the sickness trend has not quite disappeared yet and despite Josh now being over 15 months it would seem that long term solid sleep is a thing of the past so this ‘t word’ is here to stay.

It’s definitely true that your body just adjusts, you can mostly function on a day to day basis but it’s those nearest to you who tend to get the brunt of the deprivation. The eye bags are a permanent fixture too however these are just moments in time and small sacrifices in the grand scheme of life with Josh which is all round pretty wonderful.