The ying and yang of life

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You read a lot not to be a smug parent and I think this is a good motto to live by however I think you should be able to say out loud that things are going better than ok, great even. They were, they were going great there for a while… I had written in previous posts how things were settling down and then we also started to see the financial rewards of going back to work which was also nice.

The biggest thing was that Josh had really started enjoying crèche and that felt like the biggest blessing of all. Then one particular day recently they put up lots of social media images of the new areas in their extensive garden-an outdoor kitchen, bunny rabbits and some of their new outdoor toys too. I felt happy, re affirmed by our decision,  then I arrived at crèche. Like most days they were outside playing and as normal I expected Josh to be in the bubble car. When I eventually spotted him, Ian was behind me too and he was trapped beneath the car flaying his little legs and arms. It took me a few moments to get to the gate, observing two relief minders close by him not noticing a thing. I got through the gate and approached the car,  Josh still stuck beneath and only then did the girls stop their conversation. They pushed the car over him rather than picking it up and when he wasn’t crying (because he’s not a hysterical child) she said defensively-‘ah sure he’s grand’. His normal lovely minder approached then and Ian commented on the incident-I had to walk away. I can’t put on my finger on exactly what felt so wrong with the whole thing but I was terribly upset. Ian joined me shortly after and I thought he would say I was being daft but agreed that it was not right. I get it-kids fall, I get you can’t keep an eye every second but it was the uncaring attitude that upset me most for my precious boy that I pay them to mind!

We decided to notify the manager and she was understanding and explained whilst it wasn’t an excuse there were relief workers in place during the summer holiday period. I do love his main minder but the reality is in a crèche environment you get shared caring or not in this instance… We took the Luas one for a few stops that day in the hope to ‘cheer him up’ but he was oblivious albeit delighted for the unexpected journey.. 

It shook me, again the doubts/guilt crept in but as he bounced through the door the next day it certainly seemed to effect the adult folk in Josh’s life more than it did him!

A little stumbling block…

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Months in and sickness returned to our house again unexpectedly. Josh  had started to settle well in crèche since being moved rooms, work was going well and money was becoming a bit more free flowing. Things were on the up or so I thought. Josh hadn’t been sick for a couple of months but one Friday evening I noticed his eyes a bit gooey and then 3 huge vomits in the next 24 hours confirmed there was a little bug in his system. The weekend went fine, a trip to Airfield as new members, his first trip on a bus-the usual craic but by the end of the weekend I was unusually exhausted. At a personal training session on Monday night I felt pretty faint and by Tuesday I was like a zombie in work. Regrettably Wednesday had to be a bed day-10 hours sleep the night before had not done the job, I was wiped. The germs had crept in and dada had a sprained ankle so we were a house of crocs!

Looking back now I think my system is low, sickness in full fluey force returned at the weekend which enraged me to say the least! Things are going well but the adjustment has been huge and for months I think I’ve been hanging on by a thread, all the balls precariously up in the air and I have hit a wall. I beat myself up if I hit these walls and granted they don’t happen often, certainly less than they did years ago when I would perhaps indulge in them a little more. However one day of rest and bed bound at the weekend brought me the clarity to see two sides of the coin, try not get to the wall but if I do, that’s ok to-stop, rest & re boot!

Life as a working mama continues… 

  

1st week as a working mama 💼

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Well I’ve lived to tell the tail… {just about} 😉 Last Tuesday reality bit hard and after 15 months, 14 with the little man I returned to work, working for someone else which I hadn’t done in 4 years!

Josh had taken to his settle in time in crèche very well but on Saturday he really wasn’t himself and Sunday we ended up at LucDoc. He started on his first antibiotic and was a very poorly baba that day. Little sleep, fevers, aches and pains continued but luckily the day I started work he was with my mum as he will be on a Tuesday.

Then Wednesday it was his first full day in crèche, they were brilliant at keeping in touch but it was a very different story from the week before, with his illness he was very out of sorts and when I arrived a little early to collect him he was completely bunched.

The next day after a little more sleep, he seemed a little better. My mum collected him a bit early that day after him being so unwell the day before but what was to come was far worse than the sleepless nights-complete rejection of mama. He was generally a lot crankier than normal but it was more than that and shocked both myself and my husband. I was devastated. Maybe it’s part and parcel but so much within only the first week seemed quite unfair. It had been a hard enough decision to return to the workforce and it now seemed that all my fears had come true. It was time for an early night and a big slice of cake-the diet went out the window!

Then Friday came.. The weekend was in site. He was a little brighter but still not the Josh of old. The crèche believed he’d made progress that they will build on next week so fingers crossed.

The weekend faired a little better, still broken sleep, still slight rejection and still a lingering bit of sickness {lots of wine and sleep for mama} but hopefully next week will be brighter and we will all get into our groove because of all things I’m not sure mama can take much more of the josh rejection 😩-it’s the worst feeling in the world and I almost feel my confidence in my abilities draining away as a mother, pandering to him just so he comes to me which is something I would never normally do!

We are blessed with the crèche we chose, we have a few things to tweak with them but all and all they are super. I am lucky with an understanding & familiar workplace. I am lucky with a wonderful & supportive husband, a great granny and a mostly healthy & happy son so once these all align we will look back on these days as challenging but a learning curve too.

As they say this to will pass and once a friend told me time moves forward and let’s hope this particular adjustment moves forward pronto!

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